walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
whose parrot is this?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
