Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
