she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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