I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
