he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
