Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
