Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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