So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
