just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
