I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
