You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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