You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
