Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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