I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my being single is dangerous.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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