You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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