Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
