genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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