i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
