Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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