so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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