just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We are two peas in an std pod
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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