my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
