do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
