Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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