i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize