you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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