Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
