I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
