It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
