Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
