Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
