If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
