dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
