If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Can I color on your dick again?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
