if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
