Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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