I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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