i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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