I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
