this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
