Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
