umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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