Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
