i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Redeem this text for a blowjob
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
