We're like a lot better than the average bears
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
