Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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