so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Is Oprah even human
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
