last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
