Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
