My liver just broke up with me...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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