I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
