My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
