he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you win again, gameday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
